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A Different View… Are you living your truth or someone else’s?

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by Judy M McCutcheon

My 15-year-old daughter came to me last week asking if I believed in love at first sight and what does “forever” mean. I guess she’s at the age for those types of questions.

I don’t know what your truth is, but I can tell you my truth. Love in its purest form will always be true. The bible tells us that love is patient and kind, love never gives up, it never loses faith and it endures through all circumstances. However, in terms of intimate relationships, what is love and how does it show up for you? Is there really love at first sight, or is it lust at first sight? The idea of love, at first sight, could be warm and fuzzy and wildly romantic; you lock eyes with him or her across a crowded room, the attraction is instant, sparks fly and bam, you’ve found your special one and the rest is history. Or is it? I love science because I believe some things are worth measuring.

A 2017 research says that yes, love, at first sight, is possible, just not in the way we romanticise it. The study says that love, at first sight, isn’t really love because the qualities that are known to reflect love, such as intimacy, passion, and commitment are not there on the first sighting. Rather it is a pull of attraction that makes a person open to the possibility of a relationship. Ah, but what about forever then?

I met a lady two weeks ago, who has been married for 35 years, she’s in her 60s and her husband is in his 70s. He’s 74 actually and just left his wife for a woman who is in her late 50s. Now, before you pass judgement on him or her, you need to have an open mind about love, sex, intimacy, and relationships. So, they have been together for 35 years, and I am sure as with all relationships the beginning was fun and exciting. But as time went by, as with most things, we settle into a routine or a rut – we go to work, we come home, we cook, we may or may not entertain, we have a few kids, but life is routine and boring. The excitement and fun are all gone. We no longer feel the need to show up at our best, not for our husbands and certainly not for ourselves. It’s almost as if we have decided that the old, stale and mundane is all there is, but deep down you know life has so much more to offer you.

You know exactly what I am talking about. We go about pretending that all is well when it really isn’t. We pretend that all is perfect, even our social media posts say we are living our dream. Anyway, this husband runs into his old girlfriend and she is on fire in more ways than one. She teaches tantric yoga (you may want to Google that), so she brings a new level of excitement to his life. For him, his old girlfriend represents the fun and excitement that have evaporated from his marriage. As I look back at my life, I see lots of similarities, the spark that once was, is now gone. How do we get it back? Do we even care to get it back?

For the most part, we are afraid to be alone, so we continue to live by society’s rules for how our lives must look at each stage. But what if we gave up on love as we know it? Think about it for a moment. No more having to wonder if you were visited by the “curse fairy”, no longer waiting for the phone to ring, no more wondering if he’s with someone else when he’s not with you, no more crying yourself to sleep, no more relationship agony tears. While being alone may seem on the surface to be sad, there is a certain amount of freedom that comes with it, because alas, your happiness is no longer tied to someone else. You have finally understood that your happiness is an inside job. Imagine the possibilities and the goodness that you are making space for. You can give yourself grace and love, you can fill your space with everything that brings you joy. You can finally give yourself permission for self-care, you can finally prioritise you. I am not advocating that this could only happen when you are alone, not by any means, but we need to give ourselves some grace, whether we are in or out of a romantic relationship or marriage. I’ve found that if we give ourselves grace, allow ourselves to be vulnerable and build some self-care into our daily routine, our relationships are much better, deeper and our romance fierier.

For me, it is important that we assess our relationships along the way and not just the romantic ones, but all our relationships. What about love? Love of self. Are you treating yourself to the love you deserve? Your love of self should not be conditional on anything, especially not on the whims and fancies of other people. Are you still in those relationships because they feel right, because they feed your soul? Do those relationships nourish you, do they pour into you positively, or do they take from you and leave you weak? Are you still holding onto those relationships because society says you should? Think about it, how do you feel when you are inside those relationships?

©All Rights Reserved.

Judy McCutcheon is a partner in the firm Go Blue Inc, a Human Development Company. www.goblueinc.net

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Caribbean & World

National Youth Parliament moves into a higher gear

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Preparations are moving into high gear, as Grenada prepares to join the rest of the Commonwealth, in recognising Commonwealth Day 2020.

It will coincide with an expo and the hosting of the first sitting of the National Youth Parliament 2020.

The sitting scheduled for 9 March, follows the hosting of parish-based sittings, in 2019. According to Project Officer for the National Youth Parliament Programme, Deslyn Williams, preparations began two weeks ago. “Training is ongoing every Tuesday and Thursday, at the Youth Development Centre, most of them have the experience because they were selected from the Parish Parliament, so far everything is going really great.”

Youth Parliamentarians will make presentations based on the resolution: “BE IT RESOLVED, That the National Youth Parliament of Grenada endorses the Non-Biodegradable Waste Control Act 2018 as an effective means of regulating the use of such products; thereby reducing impact of the inevitable disposal of single-use plastics, Styrofoam, and other non-biodegradable products.”

Training Facilitator, Aleshia Allert, said the training will cover a number of areas. “What we really focused on is getting them ready for presentation, so topics such as public speaking, presentations that would persuade, looking at resolutions through the eyes of ministers of government and facilitating strong debates, all of that comprise of what we did so far.”

The parliamentarians-in-training said they are 80% ready for the Monday, 9 March National Youth Parliament sitting.

Participant Elon James said, “Preparations are going great, I have already started noting some key points. My logics and statistics, I am putting together. I am just waiting on my portfolio to put the final pieces together.”

Grenada joined the Commonwealth in 1974. Observed by the 53-member states of the Commonwealth of Nations, Commonwealth Day is a celebration that is held on the second Monday of March every year.

Its purpose is to recognise the work of Commonwealth members and to promote understanding and cooperation on global issues.

Ministry of Youth

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Interruption in services at St David’s Health Centre on Thursday

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The Ministry of Health (MOH) informs residents of St David that services at the St David’s Health Centre at Belle Vue, will be interrupted from midday tomorrow, Thursday, 27 February 2020.

This is to facilitate an important assessment and to rectify electrical fittings and supplies to the facility, as well as to ensure the safety of staff and patients.

The assessment will also determine the proper functioning of the equipment at the facility.

Clients are therefore encouraged to utilise the services as early as possible.

The MOH Community Health Services sincerely apologises for any inconveniences this may cause.

GIS

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Grenada on importation transmission watch

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The outbreak of COVID-19 has now spread to various countries. At this point, there are NO COVID-19 cases in Grenada.

However, in view of the current situation, Grenadian health authorities are expanding their surveillance to cover a wider area of travel to affected areas.

This means that the island is on what is referred to as Importation Transmission Watch (ITW). These include assessing exposure to risks, monitoring events in the region, and providing pre-travel training. Pre-trip risk assessment, education and preparation can markedly reduce the likelihood of an incident disrupting normal everyday life, trade and travel. One person while on a holiday/leisure or business trip can result in risk of transmission by virtue of contact importation.

Apart from mainland China, these include the following countries and cities: Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea, and Italy. Health authorities are also advising people to avoid non-essential travel to these areas, and are reminding those who choose to do so that on their return, they can be quarantined for a maximum of 14 days.

The Ministry of Health advises people who develop a fever, cough or shortness of breath within 14 days of visiting the above-listed countries, to contact their family doctor and the health authorities on 440-2649 during regular working hours (i.e., 8 am to 4 pm), 417-1079, or 417-2562 after regular working hours, weekends and holidays.

These travellers are advised to refrain from visiting health centres or the casualty department in the first instance.

The general public is reminded to take the necessary precautions for the prevention of respiratory infections:

  • CLEAN: Clean hands often by washing with soap and water or using alcohol hand rub.
  • CONTAIN: Contain germs by staying at home if unwell; do not go to work or school until your health condition is improved. Do not visit patients in hospital if you are sick.
  • COVER: Use a tissue to cover your mouth and nose when you cough and sneeze and not into to your bare hands.
  • BIN: Used tissues immediately. DO NOT leave used tissue laying around as it can lead to contamination.
  • DO NOT sneeze or cough into your hands as you may contaminate objects and people that you touch.

GIS

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